Poop Times (don't read unless you are 100% immature!)
The Poop Times™
LOCAL FECAL COUNT RISES!
THE LOCAL SEWAGE COMPANY RECORDS OVER 1,300 TONS OF FECES FLOWING THROUGH THE CITIES PLUMBING EACH AND EVERY YEAR! (THAT’S ENOUGH TO FILL UP THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING*)
FATHER OF FLATULENCE ARISES FROM EL MONTE.
LONG EL MONTE RESIDENT GORDAN FREEMAN SETS NEW RECORDS OF FARTATION! AN ESTIMATED 900CUBIC FEET THIS YEAR! (THAT’S ENOUGH METHANE TO KEEP YOUR STOVE ON (FULL “BLAST”) OVER NIGHT!)
SERIAL BED-WETTER APPREHENDED!
THE ANONYMOUS FLOODER FINDS A FEROCIOUS FINISH. SOME SCIENTISTS HAVE EXAMINED THE YOUNG MANS WEEK BLADDER AND HAS PROVEN THAT THE PROBLEM IS IN DRINKING TOO MUCH MILK! THE CAUSE IS THE DNA IN THE MILK MAKES HUMANS MORE “NATURAL” AND HAVE LESS “SELF CONTROL.”
TOILET OVERFLOWS IN THE BRONX! FLOODS MANY BUILDINGS!
JERRY B. JONES FLEES THE SCENE AFTER LEAVING ALL-AMERICAN-BARBICUE IN A “BIG WHEELS” TRICYCLE. HE IS DESCRIBED AS A SOUTHWEST ALBONIAN 5’6” 400LBS. LEAVES NO TRACKS. SHOE SIZE: 10.5.
ALLIGATOR FLATULENCE FOUND MOST DEADLY TO SIAMESE RABBITS.
IN CALIFORNIA A SINGLE SCIENTIST MASTERMIND FOUND THE LEADING CAUSE ON SIAMESE RABBIT DEATHS IN HIS BACK YARD; ALLIGATOR FLATULENCE.
CAUSE OF WEST NILE PINPOINTED TO THE OVERDOSAGE OF METHANE IN CHINCHILLAS!
WEST NILE STARTED WEST OF THE NILE IN A BEAN FACTORY WHERE THEY OWNED A CHINCHILLA! THE OVER FLATULATION IN THE BUILDING CAUSED METHANE TO BUBBLE IN THE FURRY ANIMAL’S BLOODSTREAM, HENCE THE DISEASE: WEST NILE.
LOCAL FECAL COUNT RISES!
THE LOCAL SEWAGE COMPANY RECORDS OVER 1,300 TONS OF FECES FLOWING THROUGH THE CITIES PLUMBING EACH AND EVERY YEAR! (THAT’S ENOUGH TO FILL UP THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING*)
FATHER OF FLATULENCE ARISES FROM EL MONTE.
LONG EL MONTE RESIDENT GORDAN FREEMAN SETS NEW RECORDS OF FARTATION! AN ESTIMATED 900CUBIC FEET THIS YEAR! (THAT’S ENOUGH METHANE TO KEEP YOUR STOVE ON (FULL “BLAST”) OVER NIGHT!)
SERIAL BED-WETTER APPREHENDED!
THE ANONYMOUS FLOODER FINDS A FEROCIOUS FINISH. SOME SCIENTISTS HAVE EXAMINED THE YOUNG MANS WEEK BLADDER AND HAS PROVEN THAT THE PROBLEM IS IN DRINKING TOO MUCH MILK! THE CAUSE IS THE DNA IN THE MILK MAKES HUMANS MORE “NATURAL” AND HAVE LESS “SELF CONTROL.”
TOILET OVERFLOWS IN THE BRONX! FLOODS MANY BUILDINGS!
JERRY B. JONES FLEES THE SCENE AFTER LEAVING ALL-AMERICAN-BARBICUE IN A “BIG WHEELS” TRICYCLE. HE IS DESCRIBED AS A SOUTHWEST ALBONIAN 5’6” 400LBS. LEAVES NO TRACKS. SHOE SIZE: 10.5.
ALLIGATOR FLATULENCE FOUND MOST DEADLY TO SIAMESE RABBITS.
IN CALIFORNIA A SINGLE SCIENTIST MASTERMIND FOUND THE LEADING CAUSE ON SIAMESE RABBIT DEATHS IN HIS BACK YARD; ALLIGATOR FLATULENCE.
CAUSE OF WEST NILE PINPOINTED TO THE OVERDOSAGE OF METHANE IN CHINCHILLAS!
WEST NILE STARTED WEST OF THE NILE IN A BEAN FACTORY WHERE THEY OWNED A CHINCHILLA! THE OVER FLATULATION IN THE BUILDING CAUSED METHANE TO BUBBLE IN THE FURRY ANIMAL’S BLOODSTREAM, HENCE THE DISEASE: WEST NILE.
posted by Semtex at 10:26 AM
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